Spring....

I love Spring! The warmth, the color, the rain, the lightening bugs, the watermelon - the list could go on and on and on.....

On a different note - I had a doctor's appointment recently. Got some new medications for my migraines - it seems to be helping, got a vitamin D supplement (night shift is not conducive to seeing the sun) and got my kidneys reexamined - I have 12 stones, six in each kidney. They're too small to operate and since they're slippery little buggers I haven't actually captured one yet but I'm hoping that'll change soon. 

Still working six nights a weeks between the hospital and the hospice house - I enjoy my work but it makes me tired - always on the lookout for a better option. School is temporarily on hold while I sort some things out with the college - they don't want to give anyone instate residency, not unless you were born here or have deep pockets - and since I'm not paying out of state tuition I have to find a loophole.

I just passed the year mark in my apartment - my how fast the time flew by! Seems like yesterday when I was moving in - I can't tell you how nice it is having my own space and no roommates - I've had close to 70 roommates - I am all roommated out. The break has been nice - although I am thinking about getting a fish.

I think that's all for now - I enjoy my time off, precious few days that they are and I'm looking for to seeing everyone in April.

A Really Really Long Time....

So here I am waiting for my laundry to be done so I can go home and shower and get ready for work and I'm thinking to myself - it's been a really long time since you've spoken to anyone, a really long time. I blame it on night shift. But also not having the internet hooked up at my apartment - I'll get there this summer sometime.
Other than night shift, not too much has been going on with me since I saw you all in December. Tons of stories to tell about my patients but I'll refrain - let's be honest here, who really wants to hear them besides me anyway?
Experienced a temporary setback in regards to school - they're insisting I'm not an instate resident, I'm insisting I am - they'll come around to my way of thinking soon enough and then I'll start classes again.
Right now I'm looking forward to spring - I'm taking a week off work and sitting on the beach all week long - I am so excited! Besides the family reunion last summer I haven't had a vacation in a very long time.
Last night I was actually in my bed when I was supposed to be - shocker I know - so awesome bytheway, anywho woke up to the sound of rain beating heavily against the roof - I love the rain - got to respect the power of nature.
Went to see my doctor a couple of weeks ago - got some new migraine medicine and some pain meds for my kidney stones - little bastards have been moving around causing me all kinds of distress for weeks now(not a drop of soda since New Years, so it's not that) - my doctor said if I got off of night shift my migraines would probably stop if not be as frequent(we're working on that) - and actually since starting the new medicine I've only had two, one of which may have been low blood sugar - as compared to almost daily/nightly before. Evidently I wasn't actually supposed to be using the pain medicine because they were surprised when I called up and asked for a refill on my prescription - I told you I had kidney stones, did you think I was lying? They reluctantly wrote me another prescription and are sending out a referral for a urologist - that'll be fun.

Laundry is done, so it's time to go!

27 "Facts" about Me...

1. I was born in California
2. I'm the 7^th of 9 children
3. I've lived in six states
4. My favorite number is 4
5. I'm 5'9''
6. And I have light brown hair with green-hazel eyes
7. I love steak smothered in mushrooms
8. My favorite ice-cream combination from ColdStone is cheesecake ice-cream, strawberries, graham crackers and gummy bears
9. My favorite color is purple but I also really like forest green, navy blue, red and silver
10. I got my B.S. from BYU-Idaho
11. My favorite animals are sea otters, koala and panda bears
12. I prefer to wear white socks when I'm at school but black when I'm at work
13. I've worked in a SNF and as a hospice CNA
14. Currently I work as a CNA in a hospital
15. I don't like driving in the snow
16. I love the rain
17. I want to watch the sun set over the ocean
18. I am up for any outdoor adventure
19. One of these days I'm going to go skydiving and paragliding
20. I want to go to Italy on vacation
21. I also want to go to Boston
22. I want to be a Humanitarian Nurse and travel the world
23. I bought a new car this year
24. I like Tapioca Pudding
25. And Raspberries
26. I once rode a bull in a rodeo
27. I have many favorite books but I really like “The Outer Edge of Heaven” and “The Scarlet Pimpernel”

"Help me! Help me!"

multiple gunshot wounds

Last Fall in anticipation of starting a new job I renewed my CPR/BLS licenses through UEMTC downtown – evidently I was still on their mailing list because earlier this month I got an email from them. They needed volunteers for their mock emergency drill that they were going to be hosting. It sounded like fun so I volunteered and put myself on the schedule for three days. The drill was staged in the Megaplex Movie Theater in The District in South Jordan – it was fun! The first day I was an amputee, the second day I had head trauma from falling 20 feet onto an unyielding object. And the third day I had multiple gunshot wounds to the right thigh. Our instructions were clear – yell, cause as much chaos as possible, be uncooperative and above all else, no one walks out of here under their own power.

It was very strange putting myself in the patients shoes because I'm so used to being the one who has to be calm, get things done and help that being on the receiving end was weird. It was good though because it reminded me what patients go through – complete and utter helplessness. Not gonna lie though - seeing a cop come through the smoke with his gun drawn was not the most reassuring - that was actually quite scary.

The first day I was tagged red (immediate care required) - they wrapped up my amputation, covered me in a space blanket (I was quite cold) and we waited for the ambulance. It was the weirdest feeling in the world to be physically moved from the theater seats where I was to being placed in this canvas stretcher and carried out. I so just wanted to get up and walk out myself but they'd said not to do that - so instead I pretended to be uncooperative and gave random answers. Because you can't predict human behavior and they wanted to make it as real as possible they told us to go ahead and act out, be uncooperative and if we could make one of the paramedics or firefighters cry they'd give us twenty dollars (several tried). Eventually I was loaded into an ambulance and we drove around the block before coming back "healed."

     Red Tags - (immediate) are used to label those who cannot survive without immediate treatment but who have a chance of survival

     Yellow Tags - (observation) for those who require observation (and possible later re-triage), their condition is stable for the moment and, they are not in immediate danger of death; these victims will still need hospital care and would be treated immediately under normal circumstances

    Green Tags - (wait) are reserved for the "walking wounded" who will need medical care at some point, after more critical injuries have been treated

    White Tags - (dismiss) are given to those with minor injuries for whom a doctor's care is not required

     Black Tags - (expectant) are used for the deceased and for those whose injuries are so extensive that they will not be able to survive given the care that is available

The second day with my head trauma they originally tagged me black (dead or close to it), part of my scenario said I was unconscious and unresponsive, they later retagged me red. After carrying me out to the lobby and putting a space blanket over me I quietly waited. They loaded me onto a wheeled stretcher and prepared to take me outside, when we reached the doors is when I decided to wake up. I started causing all kinds of trouble, fighting my restraints and trying to get out - definitely took the paramedics by surprise. It took them a couple of seconds to find the upper chest straps and get me secure once more - so not fair. They chuckled when I said that. We were trying to be serious but at the same time it was all in fun. They'd done mock disasters before but this was their first time using live victims. In any case though, they loaded us up into the van and took us to IHC - as we got out of the van told the guy our name, number and casualty we were "healed" (the guy decided I'd died mid transport because no one had treated my injury) and then they took us back to the theater.

The third day I had multiple gun shot wounds to the right thigh, they'd asked if they could cut holes in my pants and I said it was okay - aside from being shot, my scenario said I was conscious and aware. Originally I was tagged red but was later downgraded to yellow (stable). I kept calling out for help but because there were cases more serious than mine, it took a while before I was helped - I never realized how frustrating that can be for a patient. They got me out to the lobby and treated my wounds and told me to hang tight. They were keeping an eye on me to make sure my condition didn't worsen, I was one of the last to be evacuated. I kept asking for tylenol but they said that they didn't have any and it wouldn't help anyway, so I asked for morphine instead - they said no. I was eventually loaded into an ambulance and they drove us around the block. It was very educational and I had a lot of fun.

Several news stations covered the emergency drill

1st Responders Hold Mass Shooting Drill

"Help me! Help me!"

Emergency Crews Stage Mass Shooting

Smoke, screams fill Theater

Utah Fire Agencies Perform Emergency Drill

* at 0:57 you can see my body left center - the reporter was a classmates dad at BYU-I

I LIVE!!!!

I've noticed a pattern in my behavior of late - I drop off the face of the earth and can't be heard or seen from for several months at a time. And then every so often I'll resurface for a bit before disappearing again. This is one of those times where I'm resurfacing.

This summer has been crazy - between work and school I have no time to do what I want to do. I'm taking Anthropology, which is actually really cool - it's all about people and studying culture and what makes different societies the way they are. In class we briefly talked the NSA breech and it made me take inventory of my digital footprint - what would you find out about me if you were to Google me etc? It made me realize that people post a lot of things online that are private that should probably be kept to themselves. But then again I am a private person and prefer anonymity instead of everyone knowing every inch of my skeleton. I'm also taking Chemistry - Chemistry is hard but at the same time it's fascinating.

The hardest thing about work is probably my schedule and sitting with suicidal patients. Suicidal patients just make you take stock of everything in your life - how you handle it and where you're going - this summer we've had a lot of suicidal patients. Not gonna lie, it gets to you after a while. Schedule wise we work in four week increments but if you want to do something with me I have to know about it a month and a half to two months in advance otherwise it probably won't happen. I'm alternating shifts - which means I have to have equal time between nights, days, weekends and holidays every pay period - we typically work in 12 hour shifts. In addition to the hours I have to have, after the schedule is posted I then go back through and add additional shifts picking up overtime. Sometimes I get to keep them sometimes I don't. Why do I do this? Because I have bills to pay and if I didn't not all my bills would be getting paid.

I try to keep my day and night shifts grouped to together so I can just get them done and over with all at once. I'll have 3-4 nights back to back and then be off for a night - a side affect of that is when I'm doing night shift I can't sleep on the nights I have off. Which is most perturbing. My schedule sucks right now - I'll be the first to admit it, it doesn't help that my roommate is doing a job that I could do easily and making a ton more money than me (she has told me several times). But even though I'm tired and a little frustrated I feel like I'm making a difference and doing something useful - I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a stepping stone along the way and the end is in sight, even though it is very very far away.

Also Awesome....

I've been feeling lately like I'm stuck in a rut, going no where and like someone's pressed pause on my life. Wallowing is never a good idea - so I wrote down everything I could think of that I've either done or that's happened to me in my life - it was an interesting list to say the least. It made me realize something though - I tend to loose sight of where I've been and where I'm going. I look around at my friends and family and start thinking that I'm pathetic in comparison because I'm not married, dating anyone, have kids or my own place, the list could go on and on. What do I have? I'm 26 years old, I'm back in school, I have a degree I'm not using, I'm still a CNA wiping people's butts and totally messing up my circadian rhythm and I'm still living with roommates. The patient I was sitting with the other night asked me what I wanted for Christmas - haven't really thought much about it but off the top of my head, I'd like to get into nursing school and have my own place. Anyway the point - just because I don't have what they have doesn't mean that I'm pathetic, it just means that we're at different points in our lives and our paths through life aren't identical - go figure. It reminded me of a comic I saw that basically said to stop comparing yourself to others, they're awesome but you're also awesome. It really helped actually. And hey, I rode an elephant and a bull and went hundreds of feet below the surface of the earth.

What the Random....

By nature I am a very private person and tend to keep my thoughts to myself (unless I'm in just the right mood and then all bets are off). Being in the medical world there are A LOT of things that I have seen, done, witnessed, heard that I can never repeat - which is fine. But it occurred to me that I can share some of my experiences that don't violate HIPAA and I don't have to keep everything to myself - so here goes...

• I have had to put several patients in restraints; I will never forget the first time I did that (they were being a hazard to themselves and for their own safety had to be restrained but I felt so guilty doing it even though there wasn't another way and we were out of options)
• I traded in my red scrubs for light grey; while at first I didn't like the red because I felt like I drew too much attention to myself, it really grew on me after awhile and now I really like it, I do not have such feelings for my grey scrubs though they are quite comfy
• While I was sitting with a patient, his wife and daughter were talking about how it was her birthday and how her 26 year old son would be 27 in September and how he was almost 30 and how she couldn't believe how old he was. I didn't tell them my age – I don't think of myself as almost 27, that's 9 months away, let alone almost 30. Couldn't help but laugh though. I was telling a friend about it and she said that she doesn't mind rounding up because her husband is in his early 30's and by saying she's almost 30 it doesn't make her seem as young – I'm older than her by six days – that may be all well and fine but the difference is, she's married, has a kid and another on the way and I'm not, when guys find out my age they deliberately stop talking to me
• An early 20's trauma patient said that 26 was “too old for sex”
• I got another proposal of marriage, this time by a 70 something man who thought it was 1820 and had no idea he was in the hospital
• While playing chess with a patient on suicide watch he told me that he'd done it because he wanted to “quite while he was ahead”; he'd worked in a couple of nursing homes and saw what the residents were like and he didn't want that for himself
• a patient with dementia told me that she “doesn't have a screw loose” and she “isn't mentally disorientated”
• My boss sent out an email a little while ago because she's concerned that some of us have been doing more patient sitting than floor work; she asked if we're asking to be sitters and if we feel comfortable telling the staffer/charge nurse no. If I sat every single shift on the same floor than it might be a problem, but whereas I'm only sitting about every third one typically on different floors – I don't mind so much. They specifically told us not to ask to be reassigned – how is this any different? They send us where there's a need and it's my opinion that patient sitting is as important as working the floor – it requires a different skill set that is often disregarded. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my auto mechanic the last time I took my Saturn in to be fixed. He'd told me how he was impressed how cheerful and patient I was every time I'd bring my car in to be fixed(which was a lot) – how I'd just sit and wait four to six hours while they did their thing only to be given increasingly discouraging news each time. Working hospice I learned how to be patient – that carried over to dealing with my car and thankfully it's also carried over to patient sitting. You are more or less sitting with one to two patients for eight to twelve hours, you can't leave and there's limited mobility – patience is needed in abundance – from working hospice and dealing with my lemon of a car I have some. I still get irritated but I'm working on keeping it under control