The Spider and the Fly...

The Spider and the Fly
Mary Howitt

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."


"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"


Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"


"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,
If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,
And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."


The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --
Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!


And now dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:
Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

The Fence or the Ambulance...

The Fence or The Ambulance
Joseph Malines

‘Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant:
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke and many a peasant;
So the people said something would have to be done.
But their projects did not at all tally:
Some said, "Put a fence around the edge of the cliff"
Some, "An ambulance down in the valley."

But the cry for the ambulance carried the day.
For it spread to the neighboring city:
A fence may be useful or not, it is true,
But each heart became brimful of pity
For those who had slipped o’er that dangerous cliff,
And the dwellers in highway and alley
Gave pounds or gave pence, not to put up a fence,
But an ambulance down in the valley.

"For the cliff is alright if your careful," they said,
"and if folks even slip or are dropping,
it isn't the slipping that hurts them so much
as the shock down below-when they're stopping,"
So day after day when these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would the rescuers sally
To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff,
With their ambulance down in the valley.

Then an old man remarked, "it's a marvel to me
that people give far more attention
to repairing results than to stopping the cause,
when they'd much better aim at prevention.
Let us stop at its source all this mischief, cried he.
"Come neighbors and freinds, let us rally :
If the cliff we will fence, we might almost dispense
with the ambulance down in the valley."

"Oh, he's a fanatic." the others rejoined:
"dispense with the ambulance Never!
He'd dispense with all charities, too, if he could:
no, no! We'll support them forever.
Aren't we picking up folks just as fast as they fall?
And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he?
Why would people of sense stop to put up a fence?
While their ambulance works in the valley?"

But a sensible few who are practical too,
Will not bear with such nonsense much longer
They believe that prevention is better than cure
And their party will soon be the stronger
Encourage them, then with your purse, voice and pen
And (while other philanthropists dally)
They will scorn all pretense, and put up a stout fence
On the cliff that hangs over the valley.

Personal Trainer....

When I committed to do this Half-Marathon in March, I knew I'd need to get into shape and make some adjustments and whatnot to my eating habits - to that end I got a membership at the local Gold's Gym and a personal trainer for six months, the membership is month to month but the smallest increments for trainers was six. Knowing how much I'm spending on this, you better believe I'm committed!

Talked to the personal trainer tonight and....I think he's crazy. The "no soda," "no eating out" I knew I needed to do anyway and that's not really problem, neither is the no sugar - it's the "120 grams of protein, 60 grams of complex carbs a day" with a two-to-one ratio of vegetables and fruits that's going to be the problem. I'm doing an hour of continuous cardio, three times a week and thirty minutes of strength training six times a week, that also has me a little worried.

At this point I'm wondering what exactly I got myself into.

With a new shopping list in hand I went to the grocery, to scout out possibilities and see what we could come up with to meet this requirements. I'll get the protein I'm suppose to everyday and even the fruits and vegetables - but the carbs, they're getting blown out of the water. And I completely forgot that I'd gone grocery shopping a couple days ago and essentially had no room to put more stuff - I'm shaking my head at myself right now.

I'm not going to throw away my old stuff though, I'll just incorporate it into what I'm suppose to be eating and while my numbers will be off for the next little while, I won't waste anything. I tell you what - I'll have to find cheaper ways of getting the protein without the carbs because I do not have a lot of money.

Mid Month Ramblings...

My computer died a couple of weeks ago, so I've been without for the last little while - I was actually kind of lonely without my computer, that makes me sound really pathetic but there you have it. I got a new computer recently but all my stuff is on my other computer and I can't transfer it over yet so while I am up and running again, I'm not exactly running I'm more ambling along.

Being a new year I took the opportunity to reevaluate everything and set some new goals - hence my new title on my blog (A Valley of Dreams) and my pages. I live in the valley but it was more a play off of "A Field of Dreams" - people say that if you don't write down your goals and whatnot you won't really accomplish anything because it'll just be an idea floating around your head and something you keep thinking about doing someday. To that end I've thought about what I've accomplished these last 25 years and what I'd like to accomplish in the next 25 or so - I have a bucket list of short and long term goals.

This year we're focusing on becoming more well rounded, getting fit and in a healthy shape and spirituality - there are a lot of other goals I have but those are the three main categories. I enrolled in school (SLCC) and am doing my pre-recs for the nursing program with the intent of getting my BSN - it'll take 5 or 6 years, I'm only going part time right now so it'll take longer. I'm branching out on my reading and dabbling into other genres instead of focusing exclusively on one genre. I got a gym membership and a personal trainer and am running a half marathon in Riverton at the end of March, with other marathons soon to follow. I'm not working weekends anymore so I'll be at church more, which I think will definitely help. And my friend and I are going on a trip when the weather warms up a bit and visiting all 14 temples in Utah - I am really excited!

And speaking of Utah and weather - I have had it with cold weather! I am tired of being cold! I don't mind wet weather - I love the rain, and the snow is okay but it's the freezing temperatures and the wind I don't like. If there was an island somewhere where there was palm trees and beaches, lots of water and sun, big trees like Oaks and Maples, with soft grass and warm rain, with mountains and a little bit of snow, year round temperature of 45-50 - that would be perfect. All the things I love - I'll probably just move somewhere coastal and get in a more milder climate when I'm done with school. I love the water and the rain - there's something very soothing about it but I could do with out the freezing temperatures.

Garments...

I like to think of myself as a fairly open-minded, resilient, resourceful, happy person but I find myself a little put out by one of my roommates. She's a little older, served a mission umpteen years ago and we share the same bathroom - whenever I'm in there and she needs to use it she gives off the vibe of "how dare you be in there" but when she's in there and I need to use it, she'll apologize profusely and then take her dear sweet time about finishing up. She puzzles me, more so because she'll wander around the kitchen, dining room and front room wearing only her garments - on the one hand, she doesn't have anything I haven't already seen on the other hand, I think that's inappropriate - I certainly wouldn't streak around buck naked, which is pretty much what she's doing. She's apologized a couple of times for it but she still does it. I realize how we treat our garments has to do with how we were raised but still, lounging around in just your garments....

Maybe it's something I just have to get over.

A couple of weeks ago in Temple Prep we were talking about garments, and my teacher said that garments can be a physical and spiritual protection as well as a reminder of the covenants you've made, and they're not something to be taken lightly. I kind of figured that - if it wasn't something that was so super duper important to our eternal exaltation and you needed to be mature and ready enough to make and keep such sacred promises, I would have done it already. Not to say that I can't but rather I'm not quite ready just yet - we have some work to do.

It brought to mind my residents - being in the heart of Mormondom there are a lot of LDS patients we work with, it made me pause and wonder. Doesn't Satan have something better to do than work on a ninety plus year old person? How much trouble can they possibly get into? I asked one of the nurses I work with and she said that in the old people's case it's more of a reminder of the promises they made and a comfort for them. Hmmm.

Thanksgiving Thankfulness...

In the spirit of thanksgiving I’ve spent the whole month of November praying to recognize the Lord’s hand in my life and being grateful for the small miracles that happen everyday. I wrote down on my calendar each day something that I was especially grateful for and it has truly been a humbling experience to see how much the Lord has infiltrated my life and how much He blesses me.

November 1: Prayer

Seems fairly self explanatory but I was rather agitated all day, I was frustrated with my patients but mainly with myself that I wasn’t calming down – it wasn’t till I really sat down and prayed about it that I started calming down.

November 2: One of the facilities was a joint visit

This particular facility is always a joint visit on shower day but the last shower day the other aid called in sick so I went by myself and it took me three hours – today I went again and I actually had help, it only took two hours and the visit went so much smoother and calmer.

November 3: Fall Colors

Everywhere I look it’s fall, the leaves are golden, red, yellow and orange – I love the fall!

November 4: Visits went Smoothly

All my visits went smoothly today – at the conclusion of a long week all I wanted was everything to go well, sometimes it doesn’t but it did today.

November 5: It Snowed

It was not my weekend to work so I could enjoy the snow from the comfort of my home without stressing about the roads or anything.

November 6: Went to Church

The nature of my job being what it is, I don’t always get to church every Sunday but today I did, it was simply fabulous and very calming.

November 7: Payday

I live for payday, it’s the best two days out of the entire month – unfortunately there always seems to be more month left after I’ve spent my money but we’re slowly making headway on my bills and what not.

November 8: Drove to Holladay

At first I didn’t like going to Holladay because I’d always get lost while I was there but now that I’m more familiar with it I love going to Holladay – it’s gorgeous and has the best trees.

November 9: Sunglasses

After loaning my sunglasses out and then finally getting them back I broke them, I was without sunglasses for a couple of weeks before I bought some more and this morning I was so grateful that I had because it was super super bright.

November 10: Not a Crazy Day at the Office

I was filling in at the office today - answering the phone, filing paperwork, answering questions, etc and it was fairly calm and quite, it wasn’t that bad, which I greatly appreciated.

November 11: Got Everything Done

I’d taken the day off, got my car fixed, my room clean, my laundry washed and generally everything done before I left for the weekend.

November 12: Visited my Parents

I went to Colorado for the weekend and visited my parents and younger brothers – my older brother and my friend came with me and it was a good visit.

November 13: Not Stuck in Laramie

In the process of getting back to Utah, the interstate out of Laramie was shut down due to an accident and probably wouldn’t reopen till morning – we found another way and continued on.

November 14: Ate Sushi

I had sushi for a late lunch today and it was delicious! I also locked my keys and my phone in the car but thankfully I was somewhere where I could get help and fifteen minutes, three people, two screwdrivers and two wire hangers later I had my keys back.

November 15: Residents fall wasn’t Worse

When I got to my last visit I found my resident’s door locked and her lying on the floor, with no recollection of how she got there or how long she’d been there but she wasn’t hurt.

November 16: Found new Admits Address

Going off of vague directions I found our new patients residence on the first try – which doesn’t always happen.

November 17: Meeting wasn’t completely Dreadful

We had a mandatory meeting and despite being pointless and a waste of time and horribly boring, it wasn’t as dreadful as I thought it was going to be.

November 18: I’ve decided to go back to School

I went to an orientation meeting today about nursing school and have decided to go back to school if I can financially swing it – the difference between todays meeting and yesterdays meeting was that todays meeting was very short and actually had a point whereas yesterdays meeting didn’t.

November 19: Didn’t Crash

After work I went up to Bountiful and spent some time with my nieces and nephew while my brother-in-law took my nephew out to the football game, they got back quite late and since I had work the next day I needed to leave right away – despite the late hour and being tired I got back to Sandy safely and in one piece.

November 20: My Headache Finally Went Away

Woke up with another migraine this morning and eventually, in the late afternoon, it went away – hooray!

November 21: Started the Process

I started the application process this morning to go to nursing school – the first test was a CPAT which was basically just to prove that I can think intelligently. The next test is the HESI which they actually use for entrance, then there’s the background check, the essay, the interview with the doctor and then all the financial hoops to jump through.

November 22: Made a Fruit Pie

I went grocery shopping today, came back home and made a fabulous fruit pie which I later ate that night – it was delicious!

November 23: Plan of Salvation

One of my residents died today and while I wasn’t particularly close to him, it made me think and remember what my institute teacher said the day before – in relation to the plan of salvation the question, “it’s true isn’t it?” was brought forth. Driving down the road I found myself asking the same question, “it’s true isn’t it?” I am here to tell you that it is, it is true, of that there is no doubt – we continue on after we die, this is not all there is.

November 24: Family/Friends/Opportunities

Today was Thanksgiving and I was working but it was as I was working and completing my visits that it hit me how thankful I am for my family, my friends and all the opportunities that I’ve been blessed with.

November 25: Not Nauseated anymore

I woke up with a huge headache from hitting my head against the frame of my car last night and I was dizzy and nausea most of the day but eventually it went away and I felt fine.

November 26: Calmed Down

Me and everybody else woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning but through a lot of prayer and meditation I was able to calm down and relax. I’m puzzled as to why I got so worked up so quickly when in the grand scheme of things, it really didn’t matter.

November 27: Nice Relaxing Day

I was able to go to church again today and it was just a nice calming, relaxing day – very soothing.

November 28: Utilities less than Expected

Got an email from my landlord with the amount due for utilities and it was lower than previous bills – it was a nice surprise.

November 29: Just a Good Day

It was just a good day – the night before last I’d gotten two to three hours of sleep which made the next day rather interesting but last night I got ten hours of sleep which made today a much better day and I felt so much more alert and competent. My body is doing this really obnoxious thing where I’m tired and groggy all day long but as soon as the sun sets or it’s time to actually go to bed I wake up and am wide awake for the rest of the night and won’t be tired again till a couple hours before I’m suppose to be awake – like I said it’s obnoxious and I wish my body would stop it.

November 30: My Birthday Card Came

Monday, I went out on a visit – she died later that night. Tuesday, I went out on another visit – she died that afternoon. Today I went out on a third visit, he died while I was working with him – never mind that these patients status was GIP and they were going to die very soon anyway, I felt like I had the touch of death.

I felt rather guilty about the third one, like I had somehow sped it up because I was giving him a bed bath at the time – but, I know that it was not my fault and that it is okay. Even though my next three patients were very much alive, I still felt melancholy and blue. But when I got home my birthday card from my parents was waiting for me – it sang to me, imagine a hive of bees buzzing to the tune of “Happy Birthday”, it totally made me laugh and helped lighten the mood. And then I went to my friends place and that helped too.

Emotion of the day....

Peeved. Irritated. Irked. Annoyed.

To explain why I’m so annoyed, I’ll need to back up a day – yesterday I was feeling extremely dizzy and nauseated, my head was throbbing and my stomach hurt. The day before I’d gone up to Jamie’s for Thanksgiving and as I was climbing into my car, I hit my head against the frame – hence the headache. I then had to get up early the next morning for work, and since I’d gone to bed late the previous night that didn’t really help anything. I didn’t feel like eating anything on Friday, so I didn’t and taking medicine on a semi-empty stomach certainly didn’t help encourage my headache to go away – it made it worse, hence the dizziness and nausea and my neck, shoulders and back were in a lot of distress. Somehow I bruised my stomach Thursday night how I’m not sure – you can’t see the bruise but I can sure feel it. I was feeling pretty crummy and just wanted to sleep it off – but that was not an option. My first three visits went okay but on my fourth visit I found the resident soaked – either she’d just recently gone to the bathroom or she’d been laying in her own filth for a while, whichever way you look at it, it was disgusting. I’ve have never been tempted to toss my cookies in front of a resident but yesterday afternoon I came pretty darn close – give me heaps of dirty dishes, trash, laundry and fruit flies, digital stimulus and bed sores any day – copious amounts of urine and vomit are the two smells I cannot stand. It was obvious no one had checked her in a while – I got her all cleaned up, changed her clothes and bed linens and then put her back to bed. Her family is one of those who complain about everything we do and think because she refuses her showers we haven’t done anything – we do as much as we can but the resident still has the right to refuse their shower, we can’t force them to take it.

My visit right after this was at 1600 – I realize they’re not really doing anything but who wants to eat supper at four in the afternoon, take a shower and be in bed before 1730? Not me, but after the shower my resident was tired so I guess maybe they’re onto something. Anyway, I’d gone upstairs to retrieve my resident and bring her downstairs for supper and she was lying on the floor. She had fallen out of bed because the facility staff couldn’t be bothered to remember to pull up the railings – I was pissed at that point, mainly because she’d fallen a week and a half previously; her door had been locked, there was a chunk of BM on her bed spread, her brief was around her knees and a soiled brief above her head – both times she was fine but how many times can an old person fall before they seriously damage themselves? People die from falling, and she’s not exactly a spring chicken. She said she’d been lying on the floor for two hours, which while I think is an exaggeration, the staff knows that her little call button doesn’t work and with a propensity for falling you’d think that they’d check her more frequently. Evidently not.

I was irked because if the staff had been doing their job, my resident wouldn’t have fallen – either time and the other one wouldn’t have been swimming in her own pee. I know what goes on in nursing homes, I worked in three of them and am in and out of dozens of them with hospice – I know about the responsibility, the schedules and all the residents who need the exact same thing at the same time but prevention is a whole lot better than trying to fix it after it’s broken. All I’m saying is that they should’ve checked on the residents more frequently than they did.

In between these two visits I went into the office to turn in paperwork, where the scheduler asked me if I would be willing to pick up some visits this Saturday and next – never mind I had something I was actually going to do this Saturday. I couldn’t tell her no because my last paycheck was pathetically small and there was no one else left to ask. Half the time I think the scheduler hates me and the other part of the time we’re good – when I do her a favor we’re on great terms but when I need a favor it’s like I’m inconveniencing the whole world. I’m shaking my head at her right now.

I went to my friends place after work to blow off some steam and eat ice cream – when I left I had a message on my phone reminding me about ward cleaning the next morning. I’d agreed to do this at the beginning of the month and had since forgotten about it, so the reminder was good. This morning after we were done cleaning – there were like six of us and we spent about an hour – my co-worker called me up and asked me if I would see one of the ladies, apparently she doesn’t like guys. I told him I’d take care of it and changed into my scrubs.

I got said lady all showered and scrubbed clean and got her back in bed – she has bed sores on her feet and lower legs and they needed to be rewrapped. I told the nurse they needed to be done and I’d stick around to help and she got all irritated with me and said how we need to have her shower done earlier and I should have “known” that this resident doesn’t like male cna’s showering her and she didn’t have time to do it now. I so just wanted to tell her to chill – first of all how was I suppose to “know” that she didn’t like male cna’s? she loves the male nurse – out of the hundreds of residents I’ve taken care of, I can count on one hand the ones who want only a guy or only a girl to shower/change them. Because we didn’t know that, of course that put us behind – I was tempted to ask her if I could just rewrap her legs myself but somehow I don’t think that would have gone over too well, I’ve seen them do it multiple times and I probably could do it, but that’s not the point. I was there for two hours, I waited about half an hour before the other nurse came in and did it, and then he had to redo it because he’d done it wrong – in any case that put me behind. I was suppose to see a Home Health patient but couldn’t get a hold of her, which means I have to try again tomorrow. My other visit actually went fine except the shower got interrupted three or four times by people opening the door asking if anyone was in there. Unfortunately there’s no way to actually lock the door but the door was shut and the little “occupied” sign was up – if people had looked at it first instead of just barging in it would have been helpful. Just because these people are out of their tiny little minds doesn’t mean they don’t deserve some privacy.

It was everything from yesterday and then the nurse’s attitude this morning and then the lack of privacy at the other nursing home that just made me so mad and ticked off.