Two o'Clock...

Roughly at two o’clock this morning a resident called me into her room and asked me my name. I told her she didn’t need to know, it was two in the morning and she’d just forget – besides you always run the risk of residents reporting you for something you did or didn’t do if they know your name. She said that she’s trying to learn everyone’s names, so I told her my name. She’s like “Janelle?” “No Janae.” “Oh Janae, that’s pretty – its French.” I agreed with her that it was and then she said that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my name or hesitate to tell people – I told her that people mispronounce or forget my name all the time so I just don’t really bother anymore. Seriously I’ve gotten Janine, Janie, Janice, Janelle, Janette, Jena, Danielle and Sabrina – I can understand all the J’s but Danielle and Sabrina explain that to me.

I had another resident ask if he could touch my fanny. I told him no but that I appreciated him asking. In what reality is it okay to touch someone’s fanny or grab their boobs? I don’t get it. But I did appreciate him asking, a lot actually – it’s a huge step up from just grabbing.

And then a couple hours after this, the other two aids that I work with asked me if I’d be working Thanksgiving week. Thanksgiving is the farthest thing from my mind right now I have no idea. If I come to Colorado for Thanksgiving I’ll be working, if I decide to let my ninety days lapse then I self-terminate and either I’ll be staying in Idaho or going to Utah, it depends.

Right now self-terminating is looking more and more appealing – anyone who tries to quit they try to talk right back into working again or guilt trips you into feeling horrible. With everything that’s been going on, I am ready to kiss this nursing home good-bye but I don’t want to burn my bridges just yet when I have no idea what lies in store for me after graduation or what I’m doing.